Dating App Hinge Gently Suggests We Stop U-Hauling

It’s Pride Month, which of course means that it is time to partake in the timeless gay tradition of having a brief but intense situationship with your ex’s cousin’s barista, the dissolution of which creates permanent schism in at least one major lesbian friend group in your city. But if, for some reason, you’d rather avoid that fate, Hinge has got you covered.

The dating app released its second annual LGBTQ+ Data, Advice, Trends and Expertise (D.A.T.E.) Report on Thursday, consisting of research conducted among over 14,000 LGBTQ+ Hinge users. In addition to insights into what queer and trans people want out of their love lives, the report, true to its name, also includes plenty of dating advice. And unfortunately, some of you are really not going to like what Hinge has to say.

First of all, the report coined the term “slowmance,” which Hinge defines as “dating someone more consciously by slowing the pace down, putting clear boundaries in place, and setting intentions.” (This is also known as: “dating someone in a normal and regular way.”)

The report also advises that daters should not “immediately plan out your life together,” since only 10% of LGBTQ+ Hinge users say they prefer for someone to start a conversation on the app by asking about their dating intentions. The report also advises that people should not “overshare too much” since only 22% of LGBTQ+ daters feel most excited to go on a date with someone who is “willing to show vulnerability while chatting.” To translate into terms that gay people will hopefully be able to process, Hinge basically said, “please stop U-Haulingyou codependent freaks.”

So what should queer people actually do in order to maximize their “rizz,” to borrow a cursed phrase from TikTok? Being funny definitely helps! According to the report, 49% of LGBTQ+ Hinge users look for humor on people’s profiles, with 58% of bisexuals reporting the same. The report also says that Hinge users look for people’s interests and expressions of their beliefs on profiles.

So this Pride Month, do the reasonable thing and wait until the second date to exchange breakup playlists composed entirely of Taylor Swift songs. Or just ignore “slowmance” and move in with the woman you just met even though you’re allergic to her cat. After all, being gay is all about offering unsolicited advice, and internalizing absolutely none of it.

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